WQ: Miscarriage, Madness and Motherhood

It’s finally time to meet our first Warrior Queen of the Month! My heart is completely touched by Dani and her amazing strength and ability to persevere. She has been going through a particular rough time lately, and is still living her life as graciously as possible. Dani, you are an inspiration to me.

youreawarriorqueen

danideluca

Dani De Luca is a freelance writer who currently lives in Illinois with her husband and pet rock, Fluffy. She received a B.A. from the University of Massachusetts Amherst and an M.A. from Cornerstone University. When she is not writing on all things heart and soul, she is traveling to every nook and cranny of these Unites States and sharing her heartspeak on her blog, www.bloomingspiders.com.

Facebook // Twitter // Pinterest


 

strawberries_miscarriage and madness

Mis-carry: The word itself creeps with guilty error, as if you’ve carelessly dropped something you were meant to hold. -Emily Bazelon

A few months ago, I opened a store-bought strawberry carton only to find a surprise inside. There, still attached to its long stem, was a beautiful red berry, accompanied by a significantly smaller one, not yet red in color. I held it up and smiled, then immediately charged the stairs. When my husband asked what I was doing, I called out, “Taking pictures of strawberries.” Afterward, I marched into our bedroom and held out my heart-shaped treasure. “Do you believe it?” I asked.
He stood quiet for a moment. “Even strawberries have babies,” he replied. “Even strawberries.”

Neither of us thought we’d be here, in this time and space and at this age, childless. When we met and slid into the madness that is falling in love, we discussed many things: religion, sex, goals, communication, money, and, of course, children. When we spoke of the latter, we did so matter-of-factly: When we have children, we’re going to right our parents’ wrongs. When we have children, we’re going to make time. When we have children, we’re going to love them till it hurts.

When we have children.

When we have.

When we.

When.

We never thought or spoke in terms of if. We wanted them, so we would have them. It was as easy and as complex as that.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

From a tender age, I knew I’d been gifted with a mother’s heart. So when each of our 3 losses occurred, I questioned my purpose. Then, I questioned my heart. Finally, I questioned my divinity as a woman. How cruel if I were born with a mother’s heart, only to remain childless. Truly, what horrible joke had my God and the Universe played when (what should have been) the fertile soil of my womb became sodden with rotting death?!?!

It didn’t seem fair. It didn’t. It still doesn’t.

Yet there are beautiful days—now more than before—and moments that make me so grateful to be inhaling and exhaling beneath this big, blue sky. And, yes, there are still moments that make me feel as if I could almost see them, as if I could almost feel the weight of their tiny hearts in mine. And on those days, and in those moments, I remember that I do have a mother’s heart.

I know now I don’t have to be a mother to love like one. I know now that the sacrificial love of a mother extends beyond rocking chairs and nurseries, skinned knees and words of praise. A mother’s love is present in general care and protection of others. It is in intentional displays of affection. It is in my care of my father, who recently suffered a stroke. It is thick and present as I teach him numbers, model a word for him so he can write it afterward, and help him with his speech. It is in hand holding, heart holding, and the bad and good of the day. It is in the hushed moments of soul. It is in the darkness. It is in the light. It is always present.

To me, a mother is much more than a vessel of life; she is a vessel of living. She breathes heart and soul into those around her. She inspires. She nurtures. She loves.

She is me.

Mother.

Then. Now. Always.

mother_dictionary_pm

Pin Worthy Wednesday

It’s my last week co-hosting for Pinworthy Wednesday! Don’t forget to link up :)

Thanks so much for linking up with us every Wednesday. Don’t forget to:

1) Join the Pin Worthy Posts Pinterest Board.

That means even more exposure for your blog as you can get your posts in front of more people on Pinterest. Simply follow the board (see details below) and email bajantexan@gmail.com requesting an invitation.

2) Become a Co Host!

If you would like to co host Pin Worthy Wednesday on your blog for a month, let us know at bajantexan@gmail.com

 photo PWWgraphicfinal_zps9e580d6e.jpg

Welcome to Pin Worthy Wednesday!

 

Where you link up your most Pin Worthy Posts!

Here are just a few requests for this linky:Follow the hosts and cohosts of this party
through at least one of their social media listed below.

 

Keitha,
The Bajan Texan 


Facebook  Pinterest  Twitter  Instagram  Google+  Bloglovin
 




Guest Co-host:

 photo PWW23 guest cohost_zpstl5eqwvx.jpg

Link Up your pin worthy DIY, Food, Organization, Home Decor, Parenting or Life Hack Post.

 

Join the Pin Worthy Wednesdays Pinterest Collaborative Board.

 



Visit a few blogs and leave a comment or share their posts.

 

Place this button or a link to this post somewhere on your site, either on the actual post or on your sidebar or on your party page.
The Bajan Texan
The Bajan Texan

 

Thank you!

 

We all know the power of Pinterest Group Boards.
As a Thank you for linking up:


You can now join the Pin Worthy Posts group board on Pinterest. Simply follow The Bajan Texan on Pinterest and send an email to bajantexan@gmail.com requesting an invitation. Then you can pin your links for even more exposure. 

Also by linking up you agree to:


Let the hosts use your pictures and links if your post is featured. Your photo may also be used on social media.

Be added to a weekly reminder when the link party goes live.


Capture Your Life

I received a free copy of this e-book in return for this promotion. All opinions are my own. 

So I had a totally random post planned for yesterday, and I didn’t ever hit send. It’s probably for the better since it was really just a rambling about crowns. Maybe I’ll fine tune it and you guys can actually hear about how I want Delainey’s stuff to be. For the first time I’m actually wanting to decorate a room…Nesting much?

Also, if anyone would like to come clean my house for free, I’d be super appreciative. I really want to follow the lessons I read in Cole‘s Capture Your Life e-book, but my life is in too much disarray. Oh, you haven’t heard about her amazing e-book?

captureyourlife

Cole‘s one of my totally awesome Warrior Queen contributors is releasing her very first e-book at the end of the week. It’s got all of her amazing tips and tricks for photographing amazing pictures of your life every time. Here’s my favorite quote from the introduction:

We need to reopen our eyes, retrain our minds, so that we can begin to take notice of
how much beauty there is in the world, in every day objects and in ourselves.

It’s important to note, that Cole does not classify this as a book to teach photography, but rather to help you capture your life.

There are three purposes for this book:

  • A fun adventure to help you fall in love with taking pictures, whether it’s a new love or an old love.
  • To help you open your eyes and notice all of the beauty that surrounds you in your every day life.
  • A creative journey to help connect you with yourself, your life and your dreams.

In Capture Your Life you are going to do just that! You are going to learn to look at life through your camera lens in a whole new way.

In her book, you will learn about managing light (and shadows that can be so tricky!), accentuating colors and finding patterns.

She then moves on to give readers tips about getting into the fun parts of capturing your life! Sometimes it takes a different perspective (like the one through the camera lens) to see what’s actually around you!

I truly think these tips are going to help me capture pictures of our sweet Delainey and family trips for the rest of our lives. I’m going to go from average photographer (who has taken photography classes, but doesn’t really have the eye for a great picture) into someone who can snap tons of great pictures!

The e-book also includes free access to the Capture Your Life private Flickr group, an excellent resource for feedback.

It’s going to be released on Sunday (that’s March 1, btw) on her blog and Etsy. Regular price will be $10 Canadian, but for the first week it will be offered at 50% off!!

I’ve also heard rumors of a giveaway, so you should probably head on over to her blog or social media!

raewyn

Being Content

I’m one of those fast movers. Get out of my way, I’m heading out to change the world. But lately, I’ve been trying to lead life more intentionally. Being content plays a big part in that.

This month, for The Peony Project‘s link up, Heavens to Betsy challenged us to write about being content.

 

livingcontentwq

I know I’ve spoken before about my desire for stability through much of my life, and I’ve questioned who really has it together. All of this…all of this, is solved by being content. I may not have it all together, but I can happily say I’m content.

We might not have all of the things I want for our apartment, it may be a wreck a lot of the time, and we definitely eat fast food more often than I’d like to; but I’m content.

Being content does not mean letting your dreams hang out on the back burner, nor does it mean to stop trying to change the world and change yourself for the better. No, it means loving what you’ve got, instead of seeking things that may seem better, merely because they seem better.

Say it with me…

Am I confusing you yet?

I really do think there is a fine line between seeking a better life and seeking things that seem better. I believe seeking a better life is all about the spiritual and cultivating what you have. Love grows where it is watered. Friendships grow when they’re cultivated. Seeking things that seem better is all about the material. Having the best stuff does not make life better. In fact, it may make life more complicated.

Evaluating your intentions is important in being content. Why do I want this new shiny thing? Why am I reacting in such a way?

I really think that by focusing on living intentional, living more content is a result.

Are you content? What are your best tips for feeling content, instead of wanting more than you need?

raewyn

 

Bumpdate: Week 20 + It’s A….

Were you stalking my Instagram yesterday? I totally understand if you were because I’m that type of person. Even before I was married I would find myself following adorable pregnant women and moms with adorable kids. I can’t help it!!

So, here’s the official bumpdate, without my usual chalkboard picture…instead something much better :P

 

bumpdategender

Baby

How far along?
20 weeks – halfway there!!

Gender?
a baby warrior queen :)

How big are they?
She’s as big as a banana – though the ultrasound says: 13 oz! She’s pretty much on point everywhere except her abdominal circumference is measuring a week ahead, which might mean that she’s tall! (I do have a long torso, and Iman is a giant so…)

 Changing Momma

Have you started to show yet?
definitely!! My students still haven’t said anything!

Weight gain?
10 lbs :)

Maternity Clothes?
Yes! I need new ones though because my regular clothes are realllly getting tight (t-shirts included)

Stretch Marks?
Nope!

Belly Button In or Out?
Still in, surprisingly!

genderrevealwq

Momma’s Feeling

Cravings:
Nothing really!!

Anything making you queasy or sick?
Nope! A little bit of heartburn now though

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?
happy happy happyy

Movement

Sleep:
super tired this week, I think little miss is growing

What I Miss:
GLAMIS! I’ve been craving a Glamis trip soo bad, but I can’t ride until next season.

Other Symptoms:
Heartburn woo

Highlights and Coming Soon

Best Moment of the Week:
Finding out we’re having a sweet baby girl and telling everyone!

Looking Forward To:
a 3d ultrasound!

raewyn

 

 

 

p.s. expect to see more gender reveal pictures in the next few weeks. Jess is editing them, and her wedding is literally in 7 days, so let’s cut that lady a TON of slack!

Teaching Compassion #1000Speak

If you’re looking for my usual Friday bumpdate, you’re going to have to wait until tomorrow for the big gender reveal…OR head on over to my Instagram! I’ll be posting around 3 PM Pacific :)


 

 

I teach at a couple of schools and one of them is a charter school. I really absolutely adore the charter school for many reasons, but especially because of their focus on teaching compassion.

This is an integration school, meaning special education students are integrated into regular classrooms. Some have an aide, while higher functioning students are checked on periodically by the special education teacher. My mother teaches special education at a different elementary school, so it is interesting for me to see the different environments.

teachcompassion

A few weeks ago, as we were doing an assignment in class I heard one student yell out, “Man! That was easy!” Another student spoke up, and quietly reminded the first student that they do not use the term “easy” at their school. He said, “Remember, it might be easy for you but it might be hard for another person. We don’t want them to feel bad.”

Later that day, I heard a very similar conversation in another classroom. It really made me think. At first I thought, I don’t want my child to use the word easy, or even know what it means.  But Iman made a better point, “Instead, we should teach our child compassion so the thought of saying “that was easy” is not an easy exclamation.”

Like most schools, this school has a slip that is awarded to students for good behavior. I remember at one of my schools they were called “Soaring Seahawks.” At this school, it is an acronym, and the very first part of the acronym stands for “practice compassion.”

I have never seen more compassionate children in one setting. Whats more, I truly believe that children are naturally compassionate, though selfish. They are innocent and instinctually, will show affection and love to others. Our actions teach young children to continue to be compassionate or, alternatively, to be more selfish. It is so important to teach a balance, so children are not sacrificing their own well-being (a lesson best learned young…).

In our world there are so many people that may appear strange to us. There are so many people and things that do not fit into the compartments our brain creates. The fearful response is to judge and hold prejudice. The compassionate response is to feel empathy.

I am an extremely empathetic person and I try my best to practice compassion as often as possible. I know that I slip up and judge others. I truly hope when this little baby comes, that we can teach our child compassion. I want my child to never understand racists because skin color is nothing more than a marking that we have a different, and interesting culture. I want my child to see someone with a disability and treat them as a normal human being – not going out of their way to point or stare or even to belittle.

In my journey to live intentionally, I have been evaluating my compassion again. How compassionate am I? Am I driven by my own motives, or am I acting this way because of compassion?

1000bloggersforcompassion

Are you participating in #1000Speak? I would love to read your posts!

Don’t know what it is and want to join us? Click here!

raewyn

Getting to Know Rashae

Hello there fellow Warrior Queens! My name is Rashae and I’m the newest contributor on BAWQ. Raewyn asked if I would like to be the resident ‘college writer’ and I happily agreed. For this first post I thought I’d introduce myself and share my somewhat different story of getting in to college.

As I shared previously, my name is Rashae. I’m seventeen years old, currently living in New Mexico and I’ve completed three semesters of college. I’m specifically interested in Graphic Design and Psychology. I hope to someday start up my own life coaching business to help others live life inspired!

A few fun facts about myself: I drink Mt. Dew daily, I prefer having a shaved head to long hair and I enjoy reading and writing more than human interaction. Tim Burton directs my favorite movies and I swear I would marry Johnny Depp in a heartbeat. Lastly, I spend an uncomfortable amount of time working on my blog each week. I should probably work on getting out more.

abbigaylerashae

As you probably read and re-read, yes I’m seventeen and yes I’ve completed three semesters of college. I’m currently taking a semester off to work (nearly) full time and I’ll be returning to school in the fall. So, how did I complete 39 credit hours whilst not even being ‘college age’?

I started off my schooling like most other kids. I went to preschool all the way up to the middle of 6th grade. Then, I started to homeschool. Though it was hard at first and I sometimes missed my friends, I quickly found out just how incredible homeschooling was. I was finished by lunchtime and I could focus on what I loved most, my blog. It was during these precious afternoon hours that I discovered my love for the ascetics of graphic design.

I continued homeschooling up until the end of my sophomore year, where I was dual-enrolled at the high school for Chorus and Spanish One. After the summer of my sophomore year my parents and I decided we would try to get me accepted to the local community college. I passed the entrance exam with flying colors and in three weeks was enrolled full time.

dmaccschool

 

Since that summer two years ago I have completed two semesters in the Visual Communications program at DMACC. Unfortunately I had to move to New Mexico last spring. Whilst in New Mexico I completed one semester of oddball classes. As stated previously, I’m currently taking a semester off and working, nearly, full time at a furniture store. I’ll be returning to college later this year to continue my education in Psychology.

I’m excited to be a contributor on BAWQ! I hope you enjoyed my first story on here. You can expect my posts to be centered on different experiences I’ve had whilst in college and how I’ve responded/learned/grown from them. Don’t be shy to introduce yourself and comment with your own thoughts!

rashaewq

Blog // Facebook // Twitter

Pin Worthy Wednesday

I’m back for another Wednesday of co-hosting!! If you’ve been following me on social media this week, you know things have been crazy with my kitty. I’ll be back tomorrow with a normal post!

Thanks so much for linking up with us every Wednesday. Don’t forget to:

1) Join the Pin Worthy Posts Pinterest Board.

That means even more exposure for your blog as you can get your posts in front of more people on Pinterest. Simply follow the board (see details below) and email bajantexan@gmail.com requesting an invitation.

2) Become a Co Host!

If you would like to co host Pin Worthy Wednesday on your blog for a month, let us know at bajantexan@gmail.com

 photo PWWgraphicfinal_zps9e580d6e.jpg

Welcome to Pin Worthy Wednesday!

Where you link up your most Pin Worthy Posts!

Here are just a few requests for this linky:Follow the hosts and cohosts of this party
through at least one of their social media listed below.

Keitha,
The Bajan Texan 

 

 


Facebook  Pinterest  Twitter  Instagram  Google+  Bloglovin

Guest Co-host:

 photo PicMonkey Collage_zpsz2exba21.jpg

Link Up your pin worthy DIY, Food, Organization, Home Decor, Parenting or Life Hack Post.

Join the Pin Worthy Wednesdays Pinterest Collaborative Board.



Visit a few blogs and leave a comment or share their posts.
Place this button or a link to this post somewhere on your site, either on the actual post or on your sidebar or on your party page.
The Bajan Texan
 

The Bajan Texan

 

Thank you!

 

We all know the power of Pinterest Group Boards.
As a Thank you for linking up:
You can now join the Pin Worthy Posts group board on Pinterest. Simply follow The Bajan Texan on Pinterest and send an email to bajantexan@gmail.com requesting an invitation. Then you can pin your links for even more exposure. 


Also by linking up you agree to:

Let the hosts use your pictures and links if your post is featured. Your photo may also be used on social media.

Be added to a weekly reminder when the link party goes live.

More than a Number on a Scale

As someone pursuing a health-related career and an avid believer in fitness, I’ve come across a lot of numbers that are supposedly “ideal”: a BMI in a certain range, the illustrious 36-24-36 measurements, single digit clothing sizes. While some of these numbers can help predict health to a certain extent, they’re all appearance-based numbers and have their downfalls. Ultimately, numbers can’t tell if you’re truly healthy: only you can. You could have all the ideal numbers and feel like crap. Similarly, you don’t need to fit society’s mold to live a long, healthy life. Your health isn’t a number on a scale: it’s how you feel and your ability to live your life to its fullest.

 

morethananumber

 

When considering health, merely focusing on physical health causes us to forget other important parts of our lives, such as emotional and social health. You could be in perfect physical health, but if you’re neglecting your relationships, coping with your emotions unhealthily or performing poorly at school or work, you’re not truly healthy. Often, focusing on weight and other physical features can lead to an obsession with living a “healthy” lifestyle that is anything but as our lives lack balance.

As I’m sure most of you have heard by now, BMI’s really not the way to go for analyzing body composition. It’s weighted against both taller and more muscular people, and doesn’t give you any information on your actual body fat percentage. However, even body fat percentage isn’t the only predictor of health. Weighing a little more than the so-called “ideal” amount but living a healthy lifestyle will still put you ahead of people who are naturally thin but live sedentarily, eat poorly, or engage in substance abuse.

While watching fashion shows might make you think otherwise, every body is different. We all have different fat and muscle distribution, and our heights range. Because of this, the “one size fits all” ideal we’re often pushed towards is entirely unrealistic and unachievable.  At a curvier 6’3”, I’ve come to the terms with the fact that my body will never look like Natalie Portman’s, and I’m totally okay with that. She’s an entire foot shorter than me and I doubt my skeleton would even fit into her clothes. While we often want to look like someone else, we need to take a step back and prioritize our health instead of our vanity.

While watching your weight isn’t necessarily bad for your health, remember it can’t tell you everything. If you would like a more reliable numbers-based approach to evaluating your health, don’t hesitate to check your blood pressure, cholesterol and blood sugar: excess in any of these categories is a much better predictor of risk for heart disease or diabetes. While living a healthy lifestyle will usually keep these numbers under control, there are medical methods to lower them if they’re too high. Additionally, never let your weight determine how you feel about yourself. I believe that the most beautiful people I know are those who are the healthiest and happiest, not the thinnest.

emilywq

 Blog // Facebook // Twitter

Bumpdate: Week 19

Oh my lanta, next week we find out the sex of our baby! I have a super fun thing planned, but the bumpdate probably won’t end up going up until LATE Friday night. So follow along on Instagram if you’re dying to see what we’re having :) That picture will be posted around 2 (pacific)

bumpdate19

Baby

How far along?
19 weeks! Almost halfway!

Gender?
literally 1 week and an hour and forty minutes. OH em geee

How big are they?
A delicious Mango!!

 Changing Momma

Have you started to show yet?
definitely :)

Weight gain?
hopefully around 10lbs?

Maternity Clothes?
Yes! Of course, I haven’t gotten any new ones though.

Stretch Marks?
Nope!

Belly Button In or Out?
I can tell it’s going to pop out soon. I’ve always had an outie so let’s see how big it gets!!

bumpieweek19

Momma’s Feeling

Cravings:
Green tea greek yogurt. Also, I ate pickles for breakfast today.

Anything making you queasy or sick?
Nope!

Happy or Moody Most of the Time?
little mix of both

Movement

Sleep:
Decent. Some sweet little baby keeps trying to kick me

What I Miss:
REAL Vegas. I was totally being too cautious the whole weekend. Buffet food was a no, cigarettes everywhere and no drinking with friends!!

Other Symptoms:
I don’t think so!

Highlights and Coming Soon

Best Moment of the Week:
When Iman could feel the baby move!!

Looking Forward To:
Next week’s appointment and reveal!!

 raewyn